


so come over now and talk me down

by gracezodiac



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:46:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6932881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracezodiac/pseuds/gracezodiac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke has a breakdown over his exams.</p>
<p>Han goes and takes care of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	so come over now and talk me down

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this for ages, but finally pushed myeslf to get this done because it's the right time of year to post it
> 
> this is very self-indulgent, i apologise
> 
> dedicated to sorcha. you can do this. take care of yourself friend <3
> 
> in terms of warnings, there's panic attacks, illusions to luke having hurt himself/done bad things, but nothing is explicitly stated
> 
> lots of fluff and sweet things
> 
> please leave a comment if you can!
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

Luke was a brilliant kid. People were just drawn to him, and Han couldn't blame them. Who could resist those bright blue eyes and radiant smile? Han certainly couldn't, but there was more to it than that; Luke was just a genuine and honest person. Kind, in a way Han hadn't experienced in other people. You'd think the kid hadn't had anything bad happen in his life, but that was far from the truth. Luke had gone through a lot of fucked up stuff, and yet it had only strengthened his compassion and love. 

And on top of that, he was smart as hell, always impressing his teachers, and always eager to prove himself. 

Unfortunately, that had it's drawbacks.

It was exam season, and the pressure was beginning to get to everyone. Luke in particular was starting to freak out – everyone seemed to have set incredibly high standards for him, and so he'd developed somewhat of an overwhelming fear of letting people down, which didn't bode well when there were subjects he was struggling with. Han had no doubt Luke would do well, but it was difficult to try comfort the kid when Han saw a C as brilliant, and Luke saw a B as a fail. 

However, Han didn't get the chance to try reassure him every other moment since Luke seemed to avoid any conversation to do with exams whenever they were together. Which was fine by him, if the kid needed distracting, he could do that. He was never particularly good with giving advice anyway, so he much preferred to take Luke's mind off of things instead. 

But over the past few weeks Luke had started to become distant. At first, Han presumed he was just tired – he knew Luke was up all hours of the night studying and revising, and Han couldn't blame him for being quieter than usual. But then he stopped texting him as much, missed their dates, and even Leia agreed that something was up, but he wouldn't talk to her about it either. They were worried, but they agreed that pestering him wouldn't help, and all they could do was hope he'd come to them when he was ready. 

That, as it turned out, was a huge mistake.

Han had been texting him one afternoon, and Luke's responses were unusually short and blunt. Han frowned at his phone, unease starting to curl in his gut. He replied back with a 'you okay?', watching as Luke began to type a reply. Five minutes went by and the typing icon disappeared, but no reply came in it's place. Another few minutes went by with no response and Han was really beginning to worry. He paced up and down for a while, trying to reason with himself that it was fine. When his phone finally did go off, Luke's message simply read 'I'm sorry.'

And Han felt his stomach drop.  
He sent a string of texts – what for, are you okay, please reply – and when those received no answer he tried calling him, cursing when Luke wouldn't pick up, and messaged Leia instead, asking if she could get in contact with her brother. He felt like he was going to be sick when she replied that he wasn't answering her calls. Grabbing his keys, Han rushed out to his truck, climbing in as quick as he could and started up the engine, driving over to Luke's dorm. He was pushing the speed limit, but he didn't care – everything just felt so wrong and if he desperately needed to know Luke was okay.

*****

Within ten minutes he'd arrived and parked his truck where it wasn't going to get a ticket, before racing into the building, not bothering to wait for the lift and ascending the staircase two steps at a time. Once he'd made his way to Luke's floor he took a moment to stop and catch his breath, not wanting to barge in in a desperate panic, even if that was how he was feeling inside. When he was breathing at a relatively normal pace again he went up to Luke's door and, using the spare key, unlocked it and pushed it open.

The moment it was open the sound of Luke sobbing reached his ears, and Han quickly shut the door behind him, calling out Luke's name tentatively. The man in question was curled up in a heap on his bed, shaking violently and crying so hard that he couldn't breathe. Han rushed over to him, sitting on the bed and gathering Luke up in his arms, pulling him onto his lap and holding him against his chest. 

“Hey... Hey, it's okay, I'm here now kid, I'm here...” He spoke quietly, trying to calm him. Much to his dismay, it wasn't working, and Luke was still finding difficulty breathing, clutching desperately at Han's shirt and sobbing into his shoulder. Han took one of Luke's hands in his own and squeezed it gently. “Luke? Babe, I need you to breathe with me, okay? Like we've done before, yeah?” 

Luke squeezed his hand in return and so Han began counting slowly with him, inhaling for four counts, and then exhaling for the same, over and over, until Luke's shaking began to subside and he was able to stop sobbing and start breathing properly. “That's it...” Han murmured, unlacing his hand from Luke's and moving it to rub his back reassuringly. “I've got you... It's okay...” 

Han pressed kisses into Luke's hair for a while, letting the kid come back to himself and gather some strength after his crying. When he seemed to finally be breathing normally, and the tears had subsided, Han placed his fingers under Luke's chin and tilted his face up so they were looking at each other. “Okay?” He asked, to which Luke nodded, eyes shining with the last of his tears. “What happened? What's wrong?”

Luke took a shuddering breath and looked down, feeling ashamed like he had earlier. “I was trying to study and I... I can't do it Han, I can't, I should be able to but I just can't, and I-I feel so useless, and they're all gonna be disappointed in me and I know I'm gonna let them down and they're gonna hate me and I deserve it for being a useless pathetic failure who's good for nothing, I-” 

Luke cut himself off with another sob, and tears began spilling over his cheeks again. Han pulled him close to his chest and pressed reassuring kisses into his hair, telling him to take his time and let it all out. Much to Han's relief, it didn't evolve into another panic attack, and it didn't take too long before Luke exhausted himself crying and simply lay against Han's chest, sniffing quietly. 

“Luke, babe, look at me for a sec?” Han asked gently, heart aching as Luke tilted his head up to look at him. He brought his hand up to cup Luke's cheek, thumbs rubbing back and forth over his cheek and brushing away a few stray tears. 

“I know it's hard and I know it's difficult. But you're gonna go into that exam and do everything you can, and it will be enough. Luke... Kid, I know you get told that your grades are the most important thing, but they're not. They do not define you, no matter what your teachers, or your uncle says.”

He leant forward and pressed a kiss to Luke's forehead, who shuddered slightly and leaned into the touch. 

“You are the kindest, most caring person I've ever met. There's so much love in your heart and you're just so full of good that it blows me away. And that will always be so much more important than whatever grade you get on your exams. You're brilliant kid, and I love you, I'll always love you, and no matter what you come out with in that exam, I am going to be so proud of you, because I know you tried your best.” 

And with that, he kissed Luke properly, trying to show him just how much he loved him. Luke's breath hitched, and had he any tears left, he probably would have started crying again. He didn't deserve Han's love and kindness, he didn't deserve any of it, he was still a failure and he was going to disappoint and let down so many people, but Han was so assured of him, so proud, and Luke knew he wasn't lying but he just couldn't understand it, why Han would be proud of someone like him.

But even with all the doubt, Han made him feel so loved and cared for that it was overwhelming, and he just wanted to cling to the other man and never let go – stay in his arms forever and be safe there.

“Besides,” Han pulled back to speak, watching as Luke's eyes fluttered open again, “you know what my grades are like. I turned out alright, didn't I?”

And much to Han's relief, that earned him a laugh, Luke's eyes lighting up with amusement. He gave Han a small smile, and if it wasn't the most beautiful thing Han had seen. He kissed Luke again, who kissed back eagerly, one hand fisting in Han's shirt. A part of Han wanted to go and find Luke's teachers and his uncle and just shout at them, make them realise just the sort of pressure they were putting on this wonderful, brilliant kid, and get them to open their eyes and realise what it was doing to him.

Another part of him, the softer part, just wanted to stay with the kid and never leave his side again, so he could take care of him and make sure he was okay. Because although he didn't like to admit to it, Han was scared for Luke. He took on so much responsibility and seemed to carry the weight of the world on his back, and one day, Han worried that he'd lose him to all the pressure and expectations chasing at his heels.

Luke whined quietly and Han pulled back, chuckling softly. “You're gonna take the rest of the day off. I know you've been studying non-stop for the past week, so you're having a break.” 

Luke looked as though he was about to protest, but Han raised an eyebrow at him, and he sighed in defeat. It was difficult to dissuade Han from doing something once he had his mind set on it. With a little nudging, he got Luke to move off from him, so he could stand up and get him some tissues and a cup of water. He brought them back to Luke, who took them with a 'thanks', and began to clean himself up. Whilst he did that, Han went over to retrieve Luke's laptop from his desk, before placing it at the end of the bed. He knelt down next, pulling out the box of DVD's Luke kept under the bed, and rummaging through it. 

Luke watched him curiously whilst this was happening, a fond expression on his face as his boyfriend seemed to find the one he was looking for. He didn't let Luke see what it was until he'd put it into the laptop and the menu screen came up, and Luke gasped softly whilst Han sat down next to him. 

“Han you don't even like it that much, we don't have to watch this.” 

“Yeah, but you do.” Han countered, leaning forward to press play before sitting back. “It always cheers you up. Don't worry babe.”

Luke could almost feel his heart lurch with affection, and he grabbed Han by the shirt and pulled him down into a short, but hard kiss. By the time Han had registered what was happened, Luke had let him go, a small blush dusting his cheeks. “Thank you.” He said earnestly, wrapping his arms around Han and snuggling up to him. Han just smiled and ruffled his hair, before diverting his attention to the film. 

Luke was in tears by the end of it, although they were happy this time round, and Han had been expecting them anyway; they were yet to watch 'Mamma Mia' without Luke crying. Han just held him and ran his fingers through Luke's hair soothingly, smiling to himself. When Luke had calmed down, he sat up a little, resting his head on Han's shoulder.

“Feeling hungry yet?” Han asked, turning to press a kiss to the blond's hair. The latter made a small noise of affirmation, before sighing in contentment. They were in a very comfortable position, and Han was incredibly reluctant to pull away, but what he planned to do would mean leaving for a bit, and so with great difficult, he dislodged himself from Luke, who whined in protest. 

“I'm gonna go pick up some milkshakes from that place you like, and I'll grab us something from the deli too. I won't be gone long.”

“Do you have to go?” 

“Do you have anything in the fridge?”

An embarrassed blush was his answer. Han just smiled and kissed him again softly. “I need to pick up some stuff from mine anyway. I'll be half an hour, max.”

Luke let him go, promising that he'd tidy up a bit whilst Han was gone, even though his apartment was practically spotless anyway. Once he was out of the apartment, Han called Leia, whom he had several missed calls from. 

“Finally!” She shouted down the phone when she picked up. Han winced, even though she couldn't see it. “You had me worried! Is he okay?”

“He's fine, I would have called you if it was bad.”

“Yeah well after last time-”

“I know Leia, I know. He's alright though, just got a bit worked up over these exams. He's a bit overwhelmed, I'm taking care of him.”

There was a sigh on the other end of the line, and Han knew she was feeling guilty about the whole situation. He got into his truck and waited for her to speak again.

“We should have noticed Han, we should have realised.”

“Trust me, I'm feeling bad about it too. But he's okay though. Look, I'm gonna stay with him for a while, keep his head above the water.”

“Thank you. Don't let it go to your head but you're good for him.”

“Wouldn't dream of it princess. I gotta go, I said I was gonna pick us up some food. I'll see you round.”

“Look after him Han.”

“I will.”

After placing his phone on the seat next to him, Han sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. Leia was right, it had been so abundantly clear that Luke wasn't okay. They should have acted earlier, Han should have, he was his boyfriend after all. But there was little use moping about it now, and so he set off to pick up an overnight back from his own apartment, and collect the food for them. He'd try make it up to him, whatever way he could.

*****

The rest of the evening was fairly quiet; once Han had come back with the food they ate in relative silence, and by the time they were done, Luke was trying to hide his yawns into the sleeve of his jumper, with little success. Han guided him back over towards his bed and began to help Luke take his clothes off. Once he'd taken off each article he threw them into the laundry basket (Luke would play hell if he left them strewn about), and once Luke was down to his boxers and socks, Han started removing his own clothes. 

By the time he was done, Luke had gotten into bed, watching Han with half-open eyes. Han slipped in next to him and immediately wrapped his arms around him, letting Luke get comfortable as the little spoon. Gently, Han nuzzled his nose into Luke's hair, as the hand that lay across Luke's stomach found Luke's own, and entwined their fingers together. There was silence for a while before Luke spoke up, quietly.

“What if I fail?” He asked, insecurity lacing his voice. “What if I don't pass anything?”

“If that happens, we'll speak to your teachers, they can put you down for a resit. If the whole class does bad, they might ask them to be re-marked. I promise, if things don't go the way you want, there's options you can take.”

Luke hummed in acknowledgement, but Han could tell he was still worried. He pressed a kiss to Luke's hair affectionately. “But there's plenty of time until you get your results. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And I'll be with you every step of the way.”

Luke went quiet for a while, and Han thought that maybe he'd fallen asleep, but then he spoke up again.

“Han?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Han smiled, and when Luke turned his head to look at him, Han kissed him softly, squeezing his hand. “I love you too.”

With another yawn, Luke smiled sheepishly and turned his head away, leaving Han to press kisses to his neck and across his shoulders. He felt Luke relax in his arms as he slowly let sleep wash over him. “Goodnight kid.” Han murmured against his skin, although he knew Luke couldn't hear him. He stayed awake for a little while longer, just to make sure Luke was okay, before he finally closed his own eyes, gently lulled into dreams by the sound of Luke's steady breathing.

**Author's Note:**

> like everything i ever write, this was longer than i first intended it to be, but there we go
> 
> also the mamma mia thing... i'm sorry but i couldn't not, y'all know luke would bawl his eyes out at that film. i mean trying to find your father? he'd be sobbing
> 
> (i really wanna write a mamma mia au)
> 
> anyway i hope you liked it! please leave a comment if you can i'd love to know what you thought of this!!
> 
> and if you're struggling with exams and expectations, i want you to know that i love you, and you will get through this, and that you, as a person, are brilliant and wonderful, regardless of your grades
> 
> take care <3


End file.
